Alright, guys, let’s talk about one of the most confusing, frustrating, and downright terrifying parts of dating a woman you actually like: The Dreaded Shit Test.
You know the scene. Everything is going great. The conversation is flowing, the laughs are coming easy, and you’re thinking, “Wow, I might actually be good at this dating thing!” And then, out of nowhere, she hits you with a question that feels like a verbal trap door.
Her: “So, how many women have you actually dated before me?”
Her: “You’re wearing that to the party?”
Her: (After you tell a funny story) “Wow, you’re kinda a mess, aren’t you?”
Record scratch. Freeze frame.
Your brain goes into panic mode. Your internal monologue screams: “ABORT! ABORT! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!” Do you:
A) Get defensive and try to logically explain yourself? (Spoiler: This fails.)
B) Panic and try to compliment your way out of it? (Spoiler: This fails harder.)
C) Mumble something awkward and hope the earth swallows you whole? (We’ve all been there.)
What if I told you there’s a Option D? And that these so-called “shit tests” aren’t attacks to be survived, but opportunities to be seized? That the woman isn’t trying to destroy you—she’s subtly (and often subconsciously) checking to see if the confident, cool guy you’ve presented is the real deal.
Let’s reframe this. Stop calling it a “shit test.” That makes it sound like a final exam you can cram for. Instead, think of it as a “Frame Check.” She’s nudging your frame to see if it’s sturdy or if it’s made of cardboard. Is your self-worth solid, or does it crumble at the first sign of pressure?
Your goal isn’t to “win” an argument. It’s to hold your frame. Here’s how.
Golden Rule #1: Never, EVER Get Defensive
The instant you launch into a justification—“Well, actually, let me explain my outfit choice…”—you have failed the Frame Check. Defensiveness is the neon sign that reads: “MY CONFIDENCE IS CONDITIONAL ON YOUR APPROVAL.”
You are handing her the remote control to your ego. She pokes, you flinch. Not a good look. The foundation of a high-value man is that his sense of self isn’t shaken by a little teasing or a challenging question.
The Ultimate Playbook: Your 3-Answer Toolkit
Forget memorizing canned responses. It’s about understanding the energy behind the reply. Here are the three best ways to hold your frame.
1. Agree and Amplify (The Playful Route)
This is your go-to move. You take her premise, agree with it, and then exaggerate it to such a ridiculous degree that it becomes clear you’re in on the joke and you’re not taking yourself—or her test—seriously.
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Her Test: “You’re kinda a mess, aren’t you?”
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The Panic Response: “What? No I’m not! I’m very organized, I’ll have you know…” (Weak. Defensive. Boring.)
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The Frame-Holding Response: “Oh, absolutely. A total disaster. My goldfish actually has to manage my calendar for me.” Then smirk.
See the difference? You’re playful, unshaken, and you’ve completely defused the tension. You’ve shown that her little jab doesn’t have the power to offend you because you’re secure enough to laugh at yourself.
2. Reframe the Question (The Charming Route)
This one is a bit more advanced but incredibly powerful. You politely refuse to accept the premise of her question and gently redirect the conversation back to something more fun or interesting.
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Her Test: “How many women have you actually dated before me?”
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The Panic Response: “Uhh, I don’t know, like, a few? Not that many? What’s the right number here??” (Vulnerable. Insecure. Giving her the power to judge you.)
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The Frame-Holding Response: With a warm smile, “Wow, jumping right to the hard-hitting interviews. Don’t worry, my references are excellent. But I’m more interested in hearing about your last terrible date—I bet it’s a good story.”
You haven’t gotten defensive. You haven’t answered the question on her terms. You’ve playfully called out the question for what it is, and you’ve masterfully shifted the vibe back to something light and engaging. You’re leading the interaction.
3. The Playful Challenge (The Confident Route)
This is for when the test is a little more direct or teasing. You respond by throwing a little lighthearted challenge right back at her, showing her you’re an equal player in this game of verbal banter.
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Her Test: “You’re wearing that?”
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The Panic Response: “What’s wrong with it? This is a nice shirt!” (Defensive. Now she’s your stylist and your mood is ruined.)
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The Frame-Holding Response: “Yeah, I am. Looks like someone’s feeling a little critical today. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to keep up with my fashion sense eventually.” Wink.
Boom. You stood your ground, you called her out on her teasing in a fun way, and you did it all with a smile. You’ve shown that you’re not a pushover, but you’re also not a jerk about it.
The One Thing to Remember: It’s a Test of Character, Not a Test of Knowledge
She doesn’t care about the exact number of your exes. She doesn’t have a PhD in men’s fashion. What she’s looking for is your reaction. She’s checking for:
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Congruence: Does the confident guy she’s been talking to disappear the second there’s a little pressure?
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Resilience: Can you handle a little discomfort without falling apart?
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Humor: Can you keep things fun and light, even when it gets a little awkward?
The next time you feel that panic rise after a tricky question, pause. Take a breath. Remember: she’s not your adversary. She’s a smart woman trying to see if you’re the real deal. So, hold your frame. Be playful. Be charming. Be unshakable.
Show her, through your relaxed response, that your confidence is built on a foundation of rock, not sand. And that is how you pass with flying colors.
