Let’s talk about the “Simp.” We all know him. Maybe you’ve been him. I know I have.
The Simp is the guy who texts back in 10 seconds flat. He cancels his weekend plans the second she might be free. He remembers her pet’s cousin’s birthday and buys a gift. He agrees with everything she says, laughs a little too hard at her jokes, and basically treats her like a queen while treating himself like her loyal, unpaid jester.
And what does he get for all this effort? Usually, a “you’re such a great friend” text. Or worse, the slow, painful fade into oblivion.
Why? It’s not because he’s a bad guy. In fact, he’s trying way too hard to be a good guy. The problem isn’t his intention; it’s his Frame.
“Frame” is a term tossed around a lot, but it’s simple: it’s the unspoken context of the interaction. It’s the underlying story you both agree to. Is this a teacher-student dynamic? A boss-employee dynamic? Or two equals exploring a potential connection?
The Simp, bless his heart, operates from the “Pleasing Frame.” His story is: “Your validation is the prize. My job is to earn it.”
The man who is seen as a “Prize” operates from a completely different frame. It’s not about a bag of tricks or manipulative skills. It’s a fundamental shift in mindset. He operates from the “Selection Frame.”
The “Pleasing Frame” vs. The “Selection Frame”: A Tale of Two Mindsets
Think of it like this:
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The Pleasing Frame (The Simp): He walks into a date like he’s interviewing for a job he desperately needs. He’s on his best behavior, hoping she’ll like him enough to give him the position (her affection). He’s the applicant. She is the judge.
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The Selection Frame (The Prized): He walks into a date like he’s a talented investor considering a promising startup. He’s curious, engaged, and looking for potential. But he’s also assessing: Is this a good fit? Is there real value here for me? He is the investor. The connection is the opportunity.
Feel the difference? In one frame, you’re begging for scraps of attention. In the other, you’re evaluating whether what’s on offer is worthy of your most valuable assets: your time, energy, and commitment.
How the “Selection Frame” Looks in Real Life (It’s Not Being a Jerk)
Now, hold up. Adopting the Selection Frame does NOT mean you become an arrogant, dismissive jerk. That’s just the “Asshole Frame,” and it’s equally unattractive. The Selection Frame is quiet, confident, and rooted in self-respect.
1. The Way You Plan Dates:
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Pleasing Frame: “What do you want to do? Anything is fine with me! Whatever you like!” (Puts all the mental labor on her and screams you have no preferences).
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Selection Frame: “I’m checking out this new speakeasy on Thursday, and I’ve heard great things about their cocktails. You should join me.” (You’re leading. You have a life and you’re inviting her into it. You’re assessing if she’s fun to have a drink with).
2. The Way You Handle Disagreement:
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Pleasing Frame: “Oh, you think that movie is terrible? You know what, you’re right. It’s awful. What was I thinking?” (You crumple your own opinion to get approval).
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Selection Frame: “Really? I loved the cinematography. But I’m curious, what didn’t work for you?” (You hold your opinion lightly but firmly. You’re not threatened by a difference in taste; you’re curious about her perspective).
3. The Way You Handle Your Time:
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Pleasing Frame: Dropping everything for her. Always being available. Your schedule is a blank slate waiting for her to write on it.
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Selection Frame: Having a life that is full and compelling without her. “Sorry, I can’t do Friday, I’ve got tickets to that show with my friends. How about Sunday afternoon?” This communicates that your time is valuable because you value it.
The Foundation: Your Value is Non-Negotiable
The Selection Frame only works if it’s authentic. You can’t fake it. It has to be built on a real foundation: the genuine belief that you are a catch.
This means you are actively working on becoming the man you want to be—for you. You have passions, hobbies, and a mission that excites you. You have strong friendships. You take care of your health and your space. You are a whole, complete person before any woman enters the picture.
When you know your own value, you stop auditioning for women. Instead, you start wondering if they are interesting enough to be let into your already awesome life.
The shift from “Simp” to “Prized” isn’t about learning a new pickup line. It’s about dismantling the “Pleasing Frame” and building the “Selection Frame” from the ground up. It’s about stopping the desperate search for external validation and starting from a place of internal abundance.
Stop asking, “Does she like me?”
Start asking, “Do I like her, and does she enhance my life?”
The moment you make that shift, everything changes. You’re no longer the applicant. You become the prize.
