Let’s be real. The digital dating world is a savage, soul-crushing battlefield. You finally match with someone who makes you do a double-take. Her profile is amazing. She has a cool job, a great smile, and a dog that’s objectively cuter than yours. This is it. This is your shot.
Your thumbs hover over the keyboard. Your brain, desperate to make a good impression, short-circuits and delivers the most uninspired, low-effort, conversation-killing two words in the history of human interaction:
“Hey, what’s up?”
[Cue the sound of crickets, a distant sigh, and the inevitable unmatch 48 hours later.]
Why does this fail so spectacularly? Because “what’s up?” is a transaction, not a conversation. It’s a verbal shoulder shrug. It puts the entire burden of creativity on her. She’s probably received 47 other “hey” messages that day. You’re not a potential connection; you’re another item on her chore list.
The flirting pros know this. Their goal isn’t just to get a reply; it’s to stand out and start a conversation. They don’t ask a question; they create an invitation. Here’s how they do it.
1. The “Assume the Adventure” Opener
This opener is brilliant because it completely bypasses boring small talk and drops her right into the middle of a fun, shared narrative. It’s playful, confident, and shows you have an imagination.
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The Opener: “Okay, serious question. I’m trying to decide if our first unofficial date is a spontaneous road trip to find the world’s best taco or a competitive mini-golf tournament where the loser has to buy drinks. I’m leaning mini-golf. I have a mean putt-putt game.”
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Why it works: It’s not a passive “what do you want to do?” It’s an active “look at the fun we could have.” It’s specific, it’s silly, and it gives her an easy, fun way to respond by either playing along (“You’re on, but I have to warn you, I’m a ringer”) or choosing the other option (“Tacos, 100%. I need to see your salsa-selecting skills first”). It frames you as a fun, adventurous guy right out of the gate.
2. The “Profile Deep Cut” Opener
This one requires you to actually look at her profile. I know, revolutionary. But the key isn’t just to notice something; it’s to make an observation or ask a question about it that reveals your personality.
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The Opener: (If her profile shows she loves hiking) “I have to be honest, I scrolled past your hiking pics and immediately felt judged by my own couch. You’ve clearly reached ‘Eagle Scout’ level of outdoorsmanship. What’s the one piece of gear you can’t live without?”
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Why it works: It shows you paid attention (massive points). The playful, self-deprecating joke (“felt judged by my own couch”) is charming and not cocky. And the question (“one piece of gear”) is specific and shows you’re genuinely curious about her passion, not just using it as a lever to get a reply. It sparks a real conversation.
3. The “This Made Me Think of You” Opener
This is the king of low-effort-looking-but-high-impact openers. It’s a two-parter: a statement and an image. It works because it’s indirect and feels organic, like you weren’t even trying to start a conversation—you just had to share this with her.
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The Opener: Send a funny, weird, or interesting meme, GIF, or picture (e.g., a dog wearing a ridiculous hat, a bizarre street sign, a stunning view from a hike). Follow it immediately with: “No reason. This just gave me strong [Her Name] vibes.”
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Why it works: It’s intriguing. It makes her think, “Wait, why does this remind him of me?” It’s a delightful little puzzle she’ll want to solve. It’s also a compliment, but a unique and quirky one, not about her looks. It immediately creates a private joke between the two of you.
4. The “Would You Rather” Opener (The Twist)
The classic “would you rather” is a great tool, but the pros add a specific twist to make it truly memorable. The options should be quirky, slightly challenging, and reveal something about personality.
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The Opener: “Important getting-to-know-you question: Would you rather have the ability to speak and understand every language on Earth fluently, or be the best in the world at any one musical instrument?”
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Why it works: It’s not a yes/no question. It forces a creative choice and guarantees a follow-up question (“Why?”). It’s a fun, intellectual little game that sparks a much more interesting conversation than “how was your day?” It shows you’re interested in how her mind works, not just what she looks like.
5. The “Confident Context” Opener
This one is direct, but in the best way possible. It calls out the awkwardness of dating apps and owns your interest with confidence, not creepiness.
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The Opener: “I know these apps can be kind of a disaster, but I saw your profile and your [mention something specific, e.g., taste in music / passion for sci-fi / amazing laugh] and I knew I’d regret not saying hello.”
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Why it works: It’s honest, self-aware, and respectful. It shows maturity. The key is the specific compliment—it’s not about her appearance but about a genuine point of connection. It demonstrates confidence because you’re putting yourself out there in a clear, intentional way without being needy. It’s a respectful tip of the hat that is very hard to ignore.
The Golden Rule of All Openers:
Whatever you send, end with a question or a clear hook that makes replying effortless. You’re not delivering a monologue; you’re serving a volleyball she can easily spike back over the net.
So, delete “what’s up?” from your vocabulary. Choose an opener that is authentically you, and watch your reply rate—and the quality of your conversations—skyrocket.
